We had our interviews with President Showalter this past week, and with his help we came up with a quick fix. We're going to try it and see what happens.
I've had some trouble this past transfer adapting to the new style of work. Elder Herrin's had a bit of trouble figuring out exactly what his role should be as a jr. companion. He found he was stressing about a baptism we had, because he didn't understand how I was planning on doing the many things that need to be done for us to be prepared properly. Basically, after the baptism, he was annoyed with himself because he had been stressing over things he didn't need to be stressing about, or things that weren't necessarily his "job". 'Then, what was his job?', he thought.
He went into an odd funk, where he kind of decided not to care, so that he didn't stress about anything. The problem for me, then, was that I felt I had to make all the decisions, and make sure everything got done. It's amazing the difference in the feeling of the load when your Jr. comp will say, "I think we should do..." when his opinion is asked, or "I want to do this...". Even simply, "I can do that" or "I'll call them" or "we should probably..." or "let's say a prayer." Instead, I was getting, "I don't care", "It's whatever", "It's your decision", "It's not on my head", "It doesn't matter", or "it's whatever you want." It became very frustrating. Then, because he was trying not to think about the work so that he didn't overstep his bounds, he thought a lot about his many friend-girls.Though it was tough for me, I understood his dilemma. I tried to explain I wouldn't yell or be annoyed with him if something he suggested didn't work out. Plus it must be tough becoming a sr. comp, a district leader, a trainer, and then going to jr. comp to Elders that got ticked if you made suggestions. Then me, who only knew one style of doing missionary work.
His perpetual wishy-washy-ness (which is not his personality normally) was bumming me out. I was exhausted all the time and finding it difficult to be excited about the work for the both of us. We began staying up later, sleeping in, and missing the morning studies, which was sucking the life out of us. The disobedience was subconsciously stressing us out because of the guilt. Not to mention we weren't entitled to the same portion of the Spirit, so we weren't as happy. We had just enough work to fool us into thinking that despite our faults we were being good missionaries. We were quickly forgetting the Lord.
After some prayer the night before, I finally decided I should just make Elder Herrin the sr. for a while, so I could take a break from the load. maybe many other things could be resolved that way too. I'd understand what he was used to expecting from a sr. comp, and I could show him how he could support and advise as a jr. comp. Then hopefully we could reach the ideal (to me) of an equilibrium in work.
When I told him he was going to be sr. comp, he laughed. "Thanks, but I'm going to have to decline! I would if I could drive. That's your job!" It was metaphorically a punch to the gut.
Then, there was hope!
I sat down with President this past Monday and explained. He asked some questions, like what I thought Elder Herrin would like (in the situation), then proposed he and I switch off week by week, being sr. comp AND driver. Then the clouds opened up and God said, "I told you so."
So far, it's working! Suddenly, if nothing gets done, it falls on him, so he feels the responsibility, as well as the ability to control (without worry) the situation.
As for me? I can rejoice in his successes, support him how I'd like him to support me, and sit in the passenger's seat writing letters! I can learn from him by watching him do it. And I can anticipate having to pick up where he leaves off this Monday, & vice versa! Personally, I feel it will be better for the both of us.
Looking back on it, it seems like another Brother of Jared experience. I went to the Lord for help, devised a solution, then went to the President, and with the power and authority he's been given by the Lord, he lit up my white stones.
So family, when something's wrong, maintain your faith and prayers, but in the meantime, do everything you can to fix the problem. And finally, be patient! You'll never be faced with a challenge greater than you can bear. AND, be obedient, so you can be spared from worrying your suffering is because of disobedience. Obviously, it's easy (it seems) to be obedient to the big commandments, but remember that what Mom & Papa ask of you are commandments as well. It's tough, but try it, you'll love it. :) (CALVIN & HOBBES...)
Thanks for all you do. You're continued prayers are much appreciated. Sorry for the rambling. :)
How are you all at home? Big plans for summer? Wedding prep. getting crazy?
LOVE,
ELDER SEAN
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